It’s that time of the year again. “What are you most thankful for this year?” A question that is so commonly asked in November. Do you respond with the most common answers? Do you think about it and reflect what made you be so grateful? How do you react?

Don’t worry you aren’t the only one who reacts a certain way or answers in the most common way. “I am grateful for God, my family and my health“ I’d say. I used to get all tense in finding an answer that sometimes it sounded like I rehearsed it. Honestly I never really put too much thought into it. But this year, it was different. I was doing a little recap in my mind of how this year started to where it’s led me now….wow has it been a rollercoaster.

When the year first started I felt a dark cloud over me. It felt like I couldn’t escape this unsettled feeling within myself. At first, I thought it was because I had turned 26 and I didn’t have my life figured out-how silly of me to think we need to have a set answer. Second, I wasn’t sure what my purpose was, even now I still don’t know. After going on for all of winter and most of spring this way I decided that it was time to get help. Enough was ENOUGH.

I tried anxiety medication and antidepressant’s and all it did was make me tired. I wanted to stop sleeping on my problems and start feeling what I needed to feel to grow past it. After talking with my close friends I decided to try a more holistic approach. I was told to look for a therapist who specializes in anxiety and depression. At first I tried BetterHelp… not my thing. I couldn’t connect. Then I was told about a therapist located near me, she was currently only doing video sessions and at that point I was willing to try anything. After meeting with her for 15 minutes I remember crying tears of joy because I finally found that someone who I felt I could connect with.

Starting therapy was the best thing I ever did for myself. I will always be a HUGE advocate for mental health because I never want anyone to feel the way I did. When you are being drowned by a dark cloud it is very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It took me a long time to tell my husband and my loved ones, I didn’t want to feel like a burden. When I finally said something I pushed and I pushed HARD to work on myself-I still am! Therapy has helped me be brave enough to speak up for myself, to feel some clarity. When I first started therapy she asked what my main goal was, “to become more bold and confident within myself ” I responded. A lot of times our minds are our biggest critics and my goal is to be confident enough in myself to quiet the mind and say NO my thoughts do NOT define me. I am a people pleaser but this year I’ve learned that IT IS OKAY to put your wants and your needs first. You cannot take care of the people you love if you aren’t taking care of yourself first! Do a recap and be proud of everything that has happened because look at you…you’re still here and you’re killing it!

As always, I’m also genuinely grateful for my husband who has loved me so open heartedly, motivated and cheered for me through all my darkness. For my health because it was tested in so many ways. For my faith, because without it I don’t know where I’d be-God saw it all. For the beautiful connections I have with my family, friends, pets, nieces, nephews and YOU. Through all I went through The Jacquie Diaries has truly been an amazing escape for me. I have and will continue to pour my heart and soul into this creative outlet. Thank you for reading and following my chaos.

So, when you get asked “what are you thankful for?” How will you respond?

Cheering you on,

Jacquie