Dear Diary,

The love of a dog… oh my gosh! Where do I even begin? The love of a dog is a soul-nurturing type of love. It is them loving you wholeheartedly taking you are. Many of you who follow me on social media know about Khloe. For all my sweet readers who don’t, here is a back story. Keep reading for a sweet surprise in the end, because with sadness comes joy.

November 12th, 2024 a day I never saw coming so quickly. I had woken up, got ready for the day and made my way out to my office. Khloe was following me but very slowly, I didn’t think anything of it at first. Until I saw her trying to lay down next to me and she couldn’t. I then went to pick her up to see what was wrong and immediately called my husband. Jake had told me Khloe was acting like herself that morning, so something must of happened from the time he left for work to the time that I woke up. Khloe then started puking foam and would shake so much she couldn’t even stand on her own. My coworker had suggested I take her in to the ER for pets. I called them and was told they had availability so my mother in law drove Khloe and I to the ER. When we arrived they took her vitals and said the doctor would be with us in a while. When we finally were brought to the back the doctor had said she wanted to take Khloe to get some exams done. I don’t think it was even 5 minutes before she came back and said she needed to get ex-rays done immediately because she had felt some lumps. She brought Khloe back to me and that is when my world came crashing down. I could see it in the doctor’s eyes, I was loosing my sweet Koko.

Khloe had a ruptured intestine and her abdominal was filled with fluid. By the time they had done the x-rays her abdominal was filled with so much fluid, she was already going sepsis. There was surgery that could be done but it costed between 8-11 thousand dollars but couldn’t guarantee her a good quality life after surgery. She was only 2 years old and with how little she was she had the risk of passing away on the “table”. After hours of battling whether we do the surgery or not and Jake racing over to be with us we decided to put her down. The unanswered question I still battle with is HOW did this even happen. The doctor said she could have ate something as a puppy that never went through, or even as she got older, she could have gotten into something.

When I tell you loosing Koko shook me to my core. I NEVER experienced a sadness like this. You see Khloe was my “heart dog”. Do you know what a heart dog is? It is a dog that has such a special and profound connection with it’s human owner. It is a dog that is considered to be more then just a “pet”. It’s a soulmate. A true companion. The sadness of not having her comes and goes. But boy, does it remind me of how much SHE loved ME and how much I loved HER. I miss her deeply but she is no longer on pain and in the words of the vet that’s truly “the kindest thing” we could have done for her. I walked in to the vet hospital that morning not knowing I would be losing a part of my heart.

A little after losing Khloe her breeder (who by the way is AMAZING at what she does) had reached out expressing her sympathies and concerned to make sure she didn’t need to get Khloe’s littermates checked. She had also mentioned that there was another set of cowboy corgi’s available before Christmas. She was not trying to sell them to us, but more so let us know about them because they were special. They were Khloe’s half siblings. Though Khloe was a red heeler-corgi mix, these pups were blue heeler-corgi mixed (they had the same dad). She mentioned them for connection purposes.

At first, I couldn’t even picture getting another dog. I would cry feeling like I failed Khloe ALL the time. In my head there was no way I was ready for another dog. Shortly after we realized our house was even quieter then what it was after losing Mike. We even noticed our dog Diesel in a slump after losing Koko. Through that all Diesel was cheering me up, giving me all the cuddles in the world to make sure I was okay even when he was struggling. Diesel is the most loyal lab mix you’ll ever meet. He is the definition of kind. He touches everyone he meets and I am so thankful he is still with us and though he has slowed down a lot he is as healthy as he can be for being 9! I had mentioned it to Jake that some cowboy corgi’s would be ready soon they were half siblings to Khloe, and that we were welcome to go as many times as we needed to visit them. After thinking long and hard about it, we decided that we’d go just to see them not making any promises. To me, knowing they were half of Khloe’s blood comforted me and made me feel like I could still have her with me in some way. I was desperately searching for her in everything I did (I still have not washed her blanket because it has her scent and hair on it).

The moment we arrived I felt a huge guilt take over me, I pushed it aside picked up the little girl we were going to meet and kept trying to see if I’d be capable of devolving a bond. With Khloe that bond was built the day I met her. With this beautiful blue eyed little girl I could not feel anything. I set her down and there was this little tri- colored male jumping like CRAZY trying to get Jake and I to hold him. When we would he’d calm down, but the moment you put him down… he’d start to go crazy. I named him Felipe. I jokingly called him that and he stared and me right away. He actually looked like he’d listen to my voice whenever I spoke. After being there almost 2 hours we left, not decided on a puppy but leaning towards the little girl (only because I wanted to find Khloe in her). We went back a second time to pick up my mother in laws puppy and again, I kept playing and holding Felipe. We left after an hour and Jake and I kept talking about the pups and we kept going on and on about “Felipe”. We finally decided he’s the one. I reached out to the breeder we told her the little girl wasn’t what we wanted anymore and that we’d like the little joy instead. She had asked us if we were sure and truly I was tempted to take them both! Though, the more we talked the more we knew if any of them came home with us it’d be Felipe. We picked him after our honeymoon a day after Christmas. The breeder was so kind to keep him for us until then. This first night we brought him home I felt sick to my stomach with emotions. I cried in Jake’s shop and told him I didn’t think I was capable enough of loving another dog like I did Khloe. Jake had said to me “you’re aren’t even giving him the chance to be loved the way you know to love so deeply”. So I told him I’d try it for a week and I think Felipe just knew I was still going through heartbreak and missing Khloe and on those days he’d stay even closer to me. To this Felipe has helped ease the pain, it’s still there and, I so badly wish Koko was here, she was supposed to be here for our first home, our first human child like she was there for our first year married and many other firsts! Diesel has adapted better than I expected to having Felipe around, my favorite thing about Felipe is how he keeps Diesel moving and keeps him “young”.

Truly, I think Khloe is here in some ways. I still struggle with not having her here. I still cry randomly and somedays I battle with guilt and feeling like a failed her for getting another dog. On those days Felipe is there comforting me extra and that’s where I can see Khloe in him. He’s been so patient with me, almost like he understands me on a deeper level and maybe he feels what I feel, but he never makes me feel regret in bringing him. This is when I thank God, because he brought me these 3 dogs (and my husband) who I love so much. Diesel and Felipe love so deeply just as well as Khloe loved without saying words. It reminds me of why we learn to love them with every ounce of our being, because love isn’t always about what’s said, it’s about their actions and how it makes you feel. So here I introduce you to Felipe.